"Or something," he agreed, attention on the gently swaying curtain separating the backstage from the stage proper. For a moment he was very still, eyes darting to the dark wings. Nothing leaped on them with slavering jaws and rending claws extended. At least, not immediately, and he wasn't going to complain about the much needed time. Who knew, it might not even be a case of teeth and claws, or lasers, or psychic attacks. Maybe, just this once, he could have a chat with whatever had decided Humanity was on the menu and it would listen. Wouldn't that be nice.

First order of business: getting the painfully familiar woman out. He extinguished the screwdriver and tucked it into a pocket, blinking bright splotches from his eyes. "Did I say I was a trespasser? I meant to say exterminator. Rat infestation."

Another creak punctuated the lie just as he was reaching for her elbow with the intention of steering her--with force, if need be--toward the unlocked back door.

"... big rats. Very big, about the size of a small horse. Probably plagued, so why don't you just go home and let the professional handle things."